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“Stargate” is the type of movie where a soldier is whisked away to what appears to be the alien version of an Earth temple and he shouts, “What a rush!” while being immersed in jaw dropping visual effects. It is also the type of movie where a sun god called Ra is somehow able to maneuver the universe with the speed of light but requires slaves to construct his pyramids. And where a Nubian princess is sent to attend to the Earth guests in the Earth Visitors Chamber to satisfy their sexual cravings. Don’t pretend like there are no links. The movie “Ed Wood.” about the world’s worst director, was crafted to ease us in to the movie “Stargate.” The movie starts with “Egypt, 1928” (Some other titles are regarded as “Present Day” or “Military Installation, Creek Mountain, Colorado” with the last one having rum Dum Dum military music as background score) A group of scientists make a strange archaeological finding. Cut to Present Day where Danial Jackson an Egyptologist played by James Spader, who bears a striking resemblance to John Lennon, tries to explain his theories that are so irrelevant and ignorant that everyone begins walking out after hearing just two sentences.
It is unsurprising for the U.S. government to enlist a man like Jackson, who at first esteem is placed as a ‘crackpot’, for the translation of hieroglyphics, especially considering how he was the first to lead the translation of the stargate discovered in the stone circle of the 1928 expedition, which in fact, was a gate left by the builders of the pyramids. To further emphasize that Jackson is the questionable figure, we witness him walking through the gates with Colonel Jack O’Neil alongside a battalion of heavily armed soldiers, that is extremely odd.
The time space travel is executed very bluntly with no style at all, in a manner very similar to “2001”. When the Earth travelers arrive, they are placed on a desertic planet and are greeted by the thundering Ra, who ironically marvelously plays the part of Jaye Davidson, best known for the role captured in “The Crying Game.” He astonishingly parts a society dominated by bearing nomads from ‘Lawrence of Arabia’ alongside Spaceships plunging the pyramids. He utilizes a synthesizer that junks his voice to several octaves lower, resembling a sick elevator recording from the future.
For instance, if a stargate could be discovered, it would allow for instantaneous travel across the universe and open to a planet that could be inhabited by humans. What was the appropriate response? Awe? Ambition? Curiosity? Not at all. Colonel O’Neil’s orders: “Track down signs of any possible danger. If I find any, blow up the stargate.” The movie is so lacking in wonder, that it throws us from one end of the universe to another only to end in a gun fight between good and bad guys while the colonel’s bomb ticks down. (Like all movie bombs, it comes pre equipped with the ability to count down while beeping and has a bright red digital readout device.) “Stargate” is a lot like a film school exercise. One is tasked to come up with the serve their cliches as quickly as possible. Including sun god Ra, and making sure something gets bowed up real awesome.
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