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Only yesterday I was tidying my office and came across a book by one of Hollywood’s screenplay coaches, Syd Field. He is, or was, a big name. I had to throw out an old paperback of his. He is probably the reason why you have that awful feeling – and have had it lately – that every film is just about the same. Everything changes, but the characters, locations, and gimmicks are bound to differ. What doesn’t change, however, is the story structure girdled from a book.
Field says that he runs screenwriting workshops. These days, workshops don’t teach you how to write like yourself, but it is exceptionally easy to do these workshops and learn to write like everyone else. Being a writer in Hollywood who suffers from originality anxiety is rough, but clone screenplays greatly assist in advancing one’s career.
Check out “Little Giants,” by James Ferguson, Robert Shallcross, Tommy Swerdlow, and Michael Goldberg. What do you mean, the most ridiculous movie I have ever seen? It sold, didn’t it? And I am sure it was made, right? So that makes it a success, correct? The fact that this screenplay was written by four different writers is astonishing, to say the least. In fact, their achievements are so small that it is as if their divisions of labor resembled splitting the atom. I can only wonder if Ferguson, Shallcross, Swerdlow, and Goldberg have ever shown up to one of Field’s workshops. Well, perhaps it’s the case that they just didn’t need to.
Working in two groups, the movie has completely stripped out every trace of inventiveness from the plot and presented a fully polished copy of the countless other movies in which a group of underdogs wins the big game.
My bad! Looks like I spilled the beans on the ending. So Ed O’Neill and Rick Moranis star in this plot as siblings residing in Urbania, Ohio. O’Neill happens to be a football star and a winner of a Heisman Trophy. Moranis plays the role of a gas station owner who is a huge geek. His daughter Becky (Shawna Waldron) is a top-rated football player in the area, but O’Neill does not pick her when he selects a girl for his league due to her gender.
He does not pick the overweight boy, the nerdy boy, the boy who can’t catch any balls, and more.
Moranis believes this is unjust. To fight back, he forms his own team: the Little Giants. They begin as pathetic misfits. Afterward, John Madden and a bunch of pro stars came to town because their bust got lost, including Emmitt Smith, Bruce Smith, Tim Brown, and Steve Emtman. The pros decided to help them out by teaching some strategies, turning the children from completely incompetent players to just very incompetent.
The day for the big game between the O’Neill’s athletes and the Little Giants has finally arrived. Spike, a muscular O’Neil’s teammate, describes himself in the third person, while his father delivers “Every night before goes to bed, I massage his hamstrings with evaporated milk” which is the funniest line in the movie. Spike becomes the immediate rival of Becky, who has lost hope of playing football as a girl and transformed into a cheerleader. However, when the first half ends poorly, she loses her mind and storms onto the field in an unusual combination of a helmet, shoulder pads, a football jersey, and a cheerleader skirt.
Children may enjoy this film but only if they haven’t seen a similar one before. Kids who are slightly older will remember this is not the first movie that has been released this year and features a character who uses flatulence to knock his opponent out. Older viewers are more likely to feel some anger at the fact that for some reason, they had to watch this movie in the theater.
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