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Getting a third Legally Blonde movie was always going to be a reach, and the creators of Legally Blondes which follows the not so exciting narrative of Elle Wood’s twin nieces, do not even attempt to jump a few hurdles. Instead of trying to capture the essence of the first two films, Legally Blondes seems fully content, just like other tween films, to dwell somewhere in the shadows of Clueless and Mean Girls. This mediocre Disney Channel sequel was quite likely meant to be a straight-to-DVD release, which is a well deserved status for this sequel is so bloody awful that it would make Elie Woods decide to go brunette. Not that Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde is a classic either, mind you. To be fair, I appreciated that film solely as an obligatory sequel that managed to cashed in on the popularity of the original film in a terribly forced way. Still, there is no reasonable explanation for a third movie that does little more than spray a cheap shade of Pepto Bismol against a picture of the Hollywood Hills.
In other words, the filmmakers do not even bother to put a blue screen in place to try and convince the audience that the characters are on a real Hollywood balcony.
The filmmakers also, and most importantly, forget the spirit of the franchise. The best thing about the original Legally Blonde was its outrageous and unrepentant depiction of “blondes”, and how that single handedly brought the movie’s premise to life and worked in it’s favor. Let’s face it, a lot of people believed that they would not enjoy Legally Blonde, yet ended up loving it. But we also had the stunning portrayal of Elle Woods by Reese Witherspoon to thank for that. The magic of Legally Blonde is that it defied all societal rules set against a woman like Elle Woods. And even with those unnecessary restrictions in place, she was still able to “blonde” her way up the lawyer ladder. Contrary to popular belief, she had never really given anyone true reason to doubt her capabilities winning top marks in undergraduate fashion design and doing exceedingly well on her LSAT (Fine, so she scored a 179, but let’s pretend I’d never need to). The only outcome people were willing to accept was that she would make for the perfect trophy wife. At the start of the film, even Elle believed she would simply be the future Mrs. Warner Huntington III.
Then, *dickface* Warner told Elle that she could not even qualify her as his wife because she was too much of a “Marilyn” and not a “Jackie.” (Incidentally, the only thing I took of value from Legally Blonde 2 was Elle’s shamelessly charming aping of the Jackie O. look.) Eventually, through sheer willpower and hard hitting the books, Elle came through on what a potent force “blondness” can be, yes, and she directed this power for good and subverted the hell out of everyone’s low expectations.
Witherspoon is credited as the presenter for “Legally Blondes,” which in all fairness means nothing to this sequel. Not even a voiceover, folks. For all that is known, Elle Woods is presumably still doing her well dressed woman on Cap Hill act and flat out can’t be bothered to even greet the successors when they touch down on US soil and can head to blame her. These alleged cousins of Elle are introduced as twinsies Annabelle/Annie (Camilla Rosso) and Isabelle/Izzy (Rebecca Rosso) Woods. These are just two pampered English girls, who are played by the same two actresses who portray two pampered English girls in “The Suite Life of Zack and Cody” and who did it in completely the same way. Since we are dealing with twins here, the only means of distinguishing the sisters from each other is by noting that Annie prefers “Soft pink” when dressing and does tend to let her hair flow free. In laughable contrast, Izzy is more fond of “Hot pink” and does wear her hair in a ponytail or pigtails. Regardless of the complications presented by two different hairstyles, both girls perform a classic ‘two different hairstyles did set,’ a ‘flip and wave’ that is their version of a ‘bend and snap’ but instead of snap, they bend, allowing only themselves to be fools.
If I’m being honest, even the twin chihuahuas owned by the girls couldn’t care less.
While Legally Blondes attempts to mimic parts of the original Legally Blondes movie, it does highlight this franchise in ways that are, quite simply, laughable. It appears that the filmmakers think that all it takes is introducing a new pink clad blonde who goes to a new school where she is bullied, but somehow manages to triumph at the end. Yeah, having to incorporate the color pink into prep school attire is so w “outrageously restrictive” and such a drag What a drag, eh? The fact that the twins turn out to not be as rich as people believe and show up to Pacific Preparatory School on a partial scholarship is just, well, truly cringe. I’m not totally certain how the twins were able to get a scholarship at all, but from my observations, Izzy seems to think that David Beckham signing to the LA Galaxy is on par Historically in significance with the American Revolution. Most of the film features the girls living in terror of their the ostracism by their peers stemming from their scholarship status, and the big message of the movie is that a lot of other children are on a scholarship as well.
(That is astounding!) Moreover, oh so conveniently, all that is required from a student hoping to be a professionally competent barrister, is to simply pretend to be one, which helps a great deal when one twin is charged with, say, cheating in a history test, and the other sister is needed to exonerate her in a mock trial, which climaxes with a pair of queer looking shoes that, unsurprisingly, solve the case. Legally Blondes: The cinematic equivalent of last season’s Prada shoes.
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