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If director Steve James had replaced the short scene showing topless women with gunfire explosions killing hundreds of men, “Life Itself” would most probably have received the overly generous yawning mark of 13 which “The Expendables III” digs into deep their mock version of the film. Sly Stallone and the old crew as crazy action superstars “kill more men than Cecil B. DeMille”, as the Waco Kid quotes, and baffingly enough, this has more kid-friendly features than uncovered booby. In fact, crankheads in “The Expendables III” don’t even take their tops off. Without a doubt, owing to Pec’s steroids, Terry Crews’ would single-handedly adjust the rating to R.
This franchise seems to outdo itself in absurdity by placing an installment of a blood-soaked romp following one in which people can somehow get shot seventy-two million times yet remain completely bloodless. Ill-fated souls have their throats cut and evil-doers are stabbed with fabulously gruesome knives accompanied by suitably horrific sounds, and yet, the corpses might as well be stuffed with air or marshmallows. Given that “The Expendables III” functions more as a torch-passing ceremony from my era of action lovers to the emerging one, that PG-13 is a not-so-subtle insult by the old man to the hardness of young buck some. The fans of the first “Expendables” movie came of age to the R-rated cruelty that the stars served in the 80s and early 90s. As today’s modern young actors get thrown into the mix, the franchise seems to grow softer with the overtly violent content.
It has to be an intentional play on words with Stallone and his peers. They are aware that the way things appear for them now as action heroes is not very encouraging especially since it seems as though they should have transitioned a long time ago. These days, it’s not only about mindless feats of strength in the movies. Being tech-savvy is all the rage. This, believe it or not, is not a theory that I am pulling out of nowhere, but rather, the plot of “The Expendables III.”
Barney (Stallone) fires his older associates after they fail to accomplish a task and replaces them with a new and younger team. Barney believes that his old band of brothers have done enough for the Expendables so he retires them. Partly, he has had a change of heart due to the fact that he now knows that Stonebanks (Mel Gibson) whom he assumed he had murdered is the one that has been sent to the botched mission. Stonebanks shooting Caesar (Crews) makes Barney feel guilty and this guilt is what causes him to break apart his team.
Once demanding that his crew enjoy the rest of their lives, Barney embarks on a suicide mission with his younger charges, all of whom are skilled in combat and the computer stuff Barney doesn’t grasp. Obviously, the new kids on the block too easily get snatched up by Stonebanks, which compels Barney to summon his former squad out of retirement. This is a magnificent bow to my fellow intragerians.
We are at the point in the review where I need to explain my rating by telling you to ‘turn your brain off’ in order to enjoy ‘The Expendables III.’ Unfortunately, I am not going to do that because that is a disservice to you, me, and the film. Instead, I want you to pay particular attention to ‘The Expendables III’ because if you happen to be on its frequency, you will find an astonishingly self-aware obsessive-compulsive streak in it. When it comes to nostalgic details, this movie is a Russian nesting doll. Allusions give birth to deeper allusions that tie everything together in an almost endless game of ‘Six Degrees of Action Movie Separation.’ For the fans of Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Statham, and Gibson, there is a Marvel Universe-sized dollop of mad admiration.
For instance, Antonio Banderas plays Galgo, one of Barney’s new crew members. Banderas and Stallone were last seen fighting each other in the Wachowskis’ “Assassins”. Instead of recreating that character, Banderas plays a composite of Puss ‘n Boots and Joe Pesci’s Leo Getz from the “Lethal Weapon” series. In return, Gibson pays the favor by quoting a line from Banderas’ “Desperado.” Gibson also allows the audience to witness Riggs from “Lethal Weapon” fighting Rambo for the continued title of “Craziest Tough Guy: ‘80s Edition.”
Schwarzenegger uses memorable catchphrases like “I lied” from “Commando” and several others while Wesley Snipes makes his grand entrance on a money train (sans Woody Harrelson) just before he meets up with his adversary from “Demolition Man”. Even that PG-13 brings back memories of the rating from the third Mad Max installment (which starred Stonebanks himself). Practically every line and combination of the older Expendables characters makes and the film knows it’s doing this. That added so much to my enjoyment.
If you opt not to be ensnared by the movie’s nostalgic spider web, there are still enjoyments to be found. The Gibson monologue is one of the pieces that will certainly bring applause. Snipes gets a good joke about pretending to be a tax evader, and a few action scenes to remind us to “always bet on black.” There’s delightful chemistry between Statham and Stallone, and Harrison Ford, who flies in a helicopter, uses language that Spielberg and Lucas did not allow him to use as Han Solo or Indiana Jones, which is fantastic.
Expendables are younger and undergo Muppet Babies treatment as they are miniatures of their former selves. Out of the fighters stands out Ronda Rousey, the MMA fighter who shows the Barney leader quality though she enters in maximum hotness frontal. I wish I could be alive in the world where women would open a six-cans of Whoop Ass dressed with curlers and furry Mommy slippers instead of a skirt and heels.
Although the action sequences lack any dramatic bloodshed, they achieve a lot more than a 2-hour film would. There is a downside, however, as it’s near impossible to predict how the film will conclude. As with Stallone’s previous movies, he always seems to find a way to escape death, even when a building filled with bombs is collapsing on him. It’s fair to say that most people would love to get some closure, but we will continuously be given more outlandish stunts.
The “Expendables 3” franchise is somewhat unique, as it sets itself up for a younger audience to reboot. Rarely do you see that with a movie series? Perhaps Expendables 4 serves as a transition point, offering viewers a calm, nostalgia-filled sunset to ride off in along with Stallone and his crew guiding him throughout the film. They seem to have exhausted all their nostalgia for the movie, but something phenomenal and surreal was delivered.
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